Dating Tips for Women : 5 Important Impacts to Consider

5 Dating Tips for Women : Here’s what you need to know about your dating life and how your desire to be independent may be causing issues.

dating tips for women*It is important to note that although I am using specific gender pronouns, I am not intentionally meaning to exclude or generalize behaviors unfairly based on someone’s preferred gender identification. This article is an example of themes I have heard in my experience as a couples therapist from heterosexual cisgender men and cisgender women. However, this content has and can be a theme in any dating situation, regardless of gender and sexual orientation. 

I have included 5 important dating tips for women specifically in our modern age. First, I would like to announce that these difficulties and tips aren’t always fair and I definitely do not want to imply that all men and women are a certain way. While I generalize here, please leave any and all comments with your thoughts and experiences. I’d love to hear them!

I felt it was important to address the common and realistic issues that are effecting modern dating and (in this article, specifically) heterosexual relationships. Although we as women have more choices than even our own grandmothers did, societally, we are still trying to re-establish and define what our modern roles are. As women, we’ve advocated for an equal voice and equal opportunities, which is really powerful; but this also has its own implications, especially when we are trying to find a partner.

Of course, we still have a lot to accomplish as a society, but my intention for writing this article is more to help share dating tips for women in this modern world.  I’d like to normalize the difficulties a lot of  women experience while balancing the endless responsibilities of her modern life.

So here we go. In the words of Beyonce, “All the Single Ladies!” Listen up: Here’s what you need to know about your dating life!

Dating Tips for Women: #1
Be Mindful of How Your Independence Plays a Role in Your Dating Life

dating tips for womenDo you feel the need to be independently successful in your career, in finances, with your emotions? Most modern women feel the need to be independently wealthy and are encouraged by our societal shifts to be independently driven in many ways. We’ve come so far from the traditional nuclear prototypes of gender roles.

On one hand this shift from traditional gender roles give women the permission to work hard and be financially independent if they choose to. On the other hand, it can feel like a tremendous pressure to be “successful” on all levels independently, which leaves some women feeling like a failure either way. (I mean, why wouldn’t it? Those are a lot of balls to juggle by yourself!)

Our modern messages say women should now be successful without relying on anyone;  women should be independent in their careers, their finances, their decisions, their freedom. Women shouldn’t need anyone.

Again, super empowering (Right ladies?! In a way, this is what we have been fighting for generations!), but this has an extremely powerful impact when we want to let their guards down and be vulnerable… when we want to let someone in and rely on them for connection.

We aren’t robots! We have insecurities and emotions; we struggle with balance and taking care of ourselves sometimes. It’s OK to want someone to comfort us and be a support system to us. This doesn’t mean we aren’t strong, successful or independent women, this means, we are human craving connection! 

Unfortunately, the desire to be vulnerable in our dating lives translates in our modern culture as being “needy.” If a woman is “needy,” then there must be something wrong with her and inevitably her date will find another, “more independent” woman that doesn’t need so much from him. (I’m rolling my eyes here at how uncomfortable this makes me feel, but again… this is real life!! Unfortunately, this happens!)

This is one of those “unfair” scenarios, but here is also what you need to remind yourself of if you encounter this issue. Remember, there is not a dichotomous relationship between being a “strong, independent, successful woman”  and not needing anyone’s support or comfort. You can be both. 

The tip here is less than simple, but it’s enough to spark awareness. Awareness is powerful in itself, so let this marinade: Really think about who you are authentically. Do you let your independence rule your life? Do you let people in? If not, is it because you’re afraid of being “needy?” How might this be impacting your ability to let potential partners really get to know you? This is maybe an issue of what type of men you are attracting or attracted to? Do you want a man to comfort you? Do you want a partnership where you can let your guard down? How does your behavior and messages you tell yourself conflict? 

This will be helpful to start identifying so you can start aligning your dating life with your own intentions and values; not your assumption of everyone else’s.

Dating Tips for Women: #2
Don’t Play Too Many Games

Dating tips for womenI get it, realistically, you kind of have to play the game to some degree when you are dating. You are getting to know so many different types of people; you’re trying to break through barriers and find a potential connection. However, I would advise that you don’t spend too much of your time stressing about all the superficial rules… that really don’t even matter in the grand scheme of things.

Petty “rules” of not returning text messages within 2 hours of them sending a message, or Snap Chatting just to tease them when you’re out with girlfriends is just plain pointless. If you want to attract a man that is intrigued by your intellect; that can connect with you emotionally and shares core values with you, then you shouldn’t have to worry about who wins these petty games. If he is mature and has the depth you are looking for, then you will know without having to entertain each other with the superficial games. If he doesn’t respond to your texts after 4 hours every single time than maybe you opt out of that game and find someone that is more attentive. I promise you, by eliminating most of the modern games, you then become the real professional.

Dating Tips for Women: #3
dating tips for womenDon’t Let Yourself Be “Too Business”

We get it! You probably kick a lot of butt at the office and you should be proud of yourself for that; but being too business in your dating life may only cause your partner to feel insecure, threatened and/or annoyed, which could lead to competing against each other. This is harmful to a relationship because neither of you will let your guards down if you’re both making the assumptions that you have to be better than the other. I promise you, this is a recipe for disaster and should be avoided at all costs!!

To really avoid this, think about what you want in a partner. Maybe write it down. Then ask yourself how realistic are my expectations/desires/needs? For example, if you want a man to be “successful in his career,” then really identify what that means. Is it a salary amount? A lifestyle? Values? Is it that you don’t want them to rely on you? If it’s important to you that your partner has a “successful career,” then ask yourself “Why is this important?” Then, ask yourself “How do I see myself supporting them with their career? How do I see them supporting me? How could we possibly be partners, not competitors?” 

Always be mindful of how your work ethic may be causing you to resent, pick (or dismiss) and/or demand things from your potential partners and start to recognize how that may be influencing your dating life.

Dating Tips for Women: #4
Be Straight Forward, but Soft.

Dating tips for women A lot of my single women clients portray an amazing self confidence. They make good money for themselves, they are educated, well traveled; highly functioning and intelligent. They are all around really “great catches.” Unfortunately, most of them are struggling with the same issue; they can’t find the “right guy.” Of course, I don’t have a magic wand and can’t create Prince Charming, but I do help my clients look within to strengthen themselves and make internal/external shifts. These changes can ultimately help my clients show up in the world differently; help them redefine their dating search to help create real connection. It gives them permission to see themselves and align their values, roles and expectations with their authentic selves.

I hear many of my female clients say, “I don’t beat around the bush when I’m dating. I’m too old to waste time. So after the first or second date, I am very straight forward about what I want and if they don’t align with that, I’m on to the next person.” To be honest, I actually think this can be great. I think communicating your intention right off the back is really healthy and can eliminate a lot of pain and frustration in the long run. The only slight tip I would advise here, is to be soft with your requests and be a little bit more patient! Sometimes connection takes a little time to cultivate!

Here’s a tip: Remember, you probably intimidate some men. Not because there is anything wrong with you, but because our society is still getting used to women being upfront, directive and confident in what they want. Your ideal match may say that they want an independent and successful woman, but they can easily get threatened by your success and self assurance. (Again, ::sigh:: this is not fair, but it’s the truth).

Try to remind yourself, “I am not on a job interview. I do not need to be so straight to the point and confrontational in order to “get what I want.” I can tell my potential partner on a date that I want children and marriage, but try to be more emotionally open with this information, rather than so aggressively assertive.

Dating Tips for Women: #5
Redefine Your Expectations of Where You Think You “Should Be” (Especially at Your Age)

This can be a big influence, whether or not you know it. As Millennials anyway, we are taking “longer to settle down” as a generation. We are building our careers and going on adventures before we really feel the desire to settle down and invest in a family or partner. This is OK, but understanding how it may be impacting you is important. I have many clients (men and women) that start to feel regretful and sad by their decisions to prioritize their careers prior to a family, and when they find themselves at thirty-something, they feel lonely and discouraged with the dating world.

Just try to remember, that you’re not alone in this. Your life does not have to follow any type of expected “timeline” and you still have choices to create a life that means something to you. Yes, we cannot deny our biological clocks, but putting a lot of effort in stressing about it is only making you feel worse about yourself and your situation. You are not the only person out there that has not “settled” down at your age.

Find the empowerment in your lifestyle and your abilities; then ask yourself, “How can my successes and decisions in my adulthood actually serve me now and my desire to meet someone/have a family ?” I’m sure if you reframe it in this way, you will find that your timeline is actually… exactly where it should be.

26 thoughts on “Dating Tips for Women : 5 Important Impacts to Consider

  1. Thx so much for all the advice. This really makes it so much simpler. From a guy’s perspective I not only find it helpful to hear what other men think but probably even more helpful what the ladies have to say! One really good read that has helped me a bunch is called “Secrets Men Don’t Want Woman To Know”. Some of you ladies might find it helpful especially if you’ve had hurtful relationships in the past. Don’t be put off by the title lol, it’s full of really good stuff. Definitely worth the buy-at least for me.

  2. OMG these are great tips! Definitely going to be of great help to women
    Some women have somehow been having big success with advice from a relationship coach itself.

    1. You are right and I think that every woman should know what every men are obsessed with
      no matter if she thinks she knows.

  3. Great tips. It’s a fine line we walk between trying to be independent yet still have our needs met because, I feel, “society has made it seem weak for a woman to show that she “needs” a man BUT isn’t that what we were put here for, to help and rely on one another? That alone means that we ALL are vulnerable to some degree and it’s ok.

  4. A very thoughtful advice indeed. Tips can always provides choices of how we build relationship however, most of all will be relying on the law of attraction especially in the beginning of a relationship.

  5. Fantastic work, i read the blog post and think, it will help women to do a successful dating. Will visit again to get some more tips on having a successful relationships.

  6. Hahaha Don’t play too many games definitely applies to me. I do play games with men.. But you have to, otherwise, you have no way to really see who they really are. Too many pretenders and fake alfas. The truth is I don’t really need a guy to be a real alfa, I want him to be nice and honest and above all – just himself. I’m sick of guys trying to game me by some BS PUA lines.

  7. Thanks for sharing this information. Some of these tips get even harder when you are in a long distance relationship. I started my blog just to try to figure out how to best date in a long distance relationship. Games are the biggest thing you have to worry about.

  8. I like this important thing which really want to know every women bcz some we create confusion in relationship, so with the help of this post we can change our self to correct on the thing

  9. After a long time of always trying to be the prettiest, smartest, most well rounded women (basically perfection), I realized that that isn’t what men really want the most from a woman.

  10. Thank you so much for this great advice and sharing with us, A true relationship start with dating. This blog post is very useful for everyone else reading just because the information and knowledge which have to contain everyone are very important. I like this post. Excellent job! Keep sharing such valuable information through your blogs.

  11. Great tips!
    I have read an interesting article that can have a permanent effect on the general nature of the relationship with a man, especially when he starts losing interest and signaling to pull away…

  12. As a girl, your tips help me a lot. I always try to visit your blog because I don’t ever find any other blog site such as this. Many many thanks for sharing with us the great tips.

  13. This is such a great article. thank you for sharing all these great tips. this also helped me, a book over what a man is secretely obsessed with even more than love or sex. Hope it helps others as much as me.

  14. Thanks for the great blog. I’ve been a regular reader for a few weeks now and I really appreciate the quality of your posted articles. For me, what worked well in addition to your advice is this method:
    Thank you and Abientot

    Sophie Mercier

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Coming in 2024!

Self-paced online courses

Expert created courses for the Modern Couple. Be the first to learn about our launch!